Eartha Kitt and Donald Trump

Shit is a funny word. "you little shit", "you big shit", "oh shit", "I'm in the shit", "your in the shit", "I've just had a shit", "I've just had a shit and your in it" and "a wagon load of shit" (who has a wagon of shit??)

Just a few examples of the word and its uses. Somehow it has more gravitas to say shit than poo, "your right in the shit mate" than "your in the poo". I've been in some deep shit in my life and I tell you, if I could have swapped it for being in the "poo" I would have done so in an instant.

Could you imagine the great Metropolitan Police telling some poor bloke he's in the poo after they have just manufactured some evidence against him? Not to suggest that that happens of course, I am sure the Guildford 4, the Birmingham 6 etc. were just simple over sites.

And of course, you get levels of shit. It has its own scale. "I may be in the shit" = mild or korma, "I am in the shit" = Basic level or madras, "I am knee deep in shit" = Bad or vindaloo and "I am up to my neck in shit here" = This is Phal and its Go time!.

What is shit scale called I wonder? I suspect it's a Turdometer but let me know what you reckon.

I was recently in the shit, not that momentous an occasion in the Goosehold I agree, but this one had spread to next door and in the three weeks since they haven't uttered a word to me. A touch unreasonable when all I did was wake up at 5am, my face stuck to my keyboard, empty beer cans strewn about and the music on full blast. mrsGoose forgave me as she tends too, eventually, sometimes or not.

Of course, over here we have all kinds of shit until you really need a shit, then we have an "Eartha Kitt" or a "Donald Trump", go figure.

And finally (hooray I hear :)

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.

She tells the mechanic, "It died."

After working on the car for only a few minutes it runs nicely and idles smoothly.

The young lady asks, "What's the story?"

The mechanic replies, "Just shit in the carburetor.

"After a moments contemplation, the blonde asks, "How often do I have to do that?

Happy International Dutch Oven DAY!!!!

Yep I got some fun filled stories about my own celebration of International Dutch Oven DAY!! Stay TUNEDDD!

Dutch Oven Day Is Here

So, finally, the day that Naomi was predestined to celebrate is here. Quite what is so great about a Casserole Dish is beyond theGoose. I guess it's a girlie thing, you know, kitchens, knitting, kittens etc.

"What? What do you mean its not that kind of Dutch Oven?? B*ll%cks"

Seems I had the wrong end of the stick. Mind you, that would explain the puzzled look of mrsGoose when I threw a blanket over and beat her senseleess with a saucepan this morning.

I had done all this research. I found a bloke who was a Dutch Oven Pro, another warmed his up, an outdoor Dutch Oven Specialist and some wierdo who did kept it secret.

Well, I'm off to make peace with mrsGoose. Have a good Dutch Oven day and take care you don't follow through and I'll leave you with these.

DECEMBER 10TH! WOOT! WOOT!

Who Cut the Cheese?

And by cheese, I do not mean "pass me a slice of brie". I mean who let out that God-awful smell that just wafted by my nostrils. Anyhooo...in my surfing journeys I have come across a book which is curently high-up on my Xmas list. A perfect potty book call "Who Cut the Cheese - A Cultural History of the Fart". Could there be anything better to read while you snap, crackle and pop on the throne?

Silent But Deadly?

Flatulence, not turbulence, forces plane to land
Passenger lighted matches to hide odor

By SAMUEL SHU
For The Tennessean

Flatulence brought 99 passengers on an American Airlines flight to an unscheduled visit to Nashville early Monday morning.

American Flight 1053, from Washington Reagan National Airport and bound for Dallas/Fort Worth, made an emergency landing here after passengers reported smelling struck matches, said Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority.

The plane landed safely. The FBI, Transportation Safety Administration and airport authority responded to the emergency, Lowrance said.

The passengers and five crew members were brought off the plane, together with all the luggage, to go through security checks again. Bomb-sniffing dogs found spent matches.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal body odor, Lowrance said. The woman lives near Dallas and has a medical condition.

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane.

"American has banned her for a long time," Lowrance said.

She was not charged but could have been. While it is legal to bring as many as four books of paper safety matches onto an aircraft, it is illegal to strike a match in an airplane, Lowrance said.

(Source)

4 Days To Go, Time For Some Fart Exercises

Festive Farting!!

There'll be no silent night, holy night here, no no! Trumpet yourself to a very merry Christmas this year with the 12 happy farting elves. There's Trumpy and his brother Whiffy, his twin sisters, Noxious and Potent, their cousins, Stainy, Steamy, Streaky and Stinky, and their little rascal friends Squeaky, Cheeky, Cheesy and Cabbagey...

The Farting Elves : 12 Days of Christmas

Where the donuts taste better than they smell.

Farts With Lumps

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.

Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"

To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants"

The Ripper

Countdown to International Dutch Oven Day....7 days left

Ok people! The home stretch is here! 7 days until International Dutch Oven day!! And in order to inspire you fart machines, I present you with Create a Fart!